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With Nikki Jackson
Monday, October 24, 2016 6:38 PM

Giving up you...to be with them.

By: Nikki Jackson

I was asked the other day if a person that still enjoys hanging out with their friends sometimes and hitting up a happy hour, does this mean they aren't ready for a committed relationship. My response; it absolutely does NOT mean that! Just because you don't want to do every single thing from sun up to sun down with your partner, doesn't mean you aren't ready to be committed to them. I feel there has to be a healthy balance of being with your partner, and being with your friends. Of course, if you're going out every weekend and doing every thing fun with your friends, then you might want to check your priorities because clearly they aren't about a relationship at the moment. But if you're hanging out once or twice a month, I think you're safe.
It's funny how some will get into a relationship and completely forget who they are without that person. I'm going to venture out and say this happens more with women than men. Women are pleasers, therefore we want to do whatever he wants to do in order to please him. Be wherever he wants to be. Live however he wants to live. Eat whatever he wants to eat. I could go on and on, but you catch my drift. Is that healthy? Some say yes, some say no. Giving up yourself entirely can be a disaster, because what if that relationship doesn't last? Would you know what you like and don't like without that person to feed off of, or do you simply move to the next one and conform to what they want? For example; do you actually like watching a certain sport, or do you like it because they like it? Do you really enjoy watching westerns, or do you watch it because they like it? Now don't get me wrong, I am all for doing things with your partner that maybe you didn't know you liked until they exposed you to it. But to ONLY do what they want to do in order to not rock the boat, well, that may one day become an issue. When in a relationship one thing I love is being exposed to new things and exposing him to new things. But I'm not going to change who I am in order to be what I think he may want. I don't want a man that wants me to agree with everything he says, want to do everything he wants to do, wants me to eat all the foods he likes, drink the alcohol he prefers, or dress the way he thinks I should dress. I can and will compromise, but I won't NOT be Nikki. Nikki is who you were attracted to. The feisty, sassy, sometimes mouthy woman that's also loving, nurturing, and caring. So for me to go from that to meek, weak, and constantly obliging, is not who I am.
How many times have you heard a woman say, "oh he doesn't like my hair short so he won't let me cut it." I hate that word...LET. Or, he doesn't like me in make up so I stopped wearing it. He doesn't like me in heels because he's short, so I don't wear them anymore. I give examples of women because again, I don't think men change themselves to be with a woman as much as a woman changes herself.
I understand all relationships has to have a dominant, and we all know that's typically the man. Nothing wrong with that. But changing every dynamic about yourself to be what THEY are, may really be about you not liking who YOU are. Believe it or not, you can have your own identity and still be the love of their life.

~Nikki Jackson~
*I speak from failure and experience*


Catch me every Monday 8pm-10pm on The Benet Embry Show. Stream live through my website @ www.iammsnikki.com
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